It's my 3rd Mother's Day! I have quite a few thoughts about being a mother so I decided I would try to journal some of my joys & trials and reflect a little bit; perhaps even starting something I may do each year. :)
I am in delighting in...Right now at this very moment, if I'm being completely truthful, the thing in my life I currently am enjoying the most is work. My job is very exciting as we are 4 weeks from opening a brand new location. Being on an opening team is something coveted by most cast members and I have been given much ownership & responsibility! My days fly so fast I feel like I'm chasing the hours and the only reason I know what time it is is when I can feel that I'm already full of milk...again! I am heading into a few weeks of working full time; which stresses me out just a bit but it's temporary and I can get through most things that are temporary. ;-) Of course I adore being with my children, hence why I don't have a full time job, so each day is filled with joy purely because I get to hang out with them! I am most delighting in watching their relationship blossom...Carly loves to play with Luke and is constantly in his face, holding his hand, including him in games & stories, telling him its okay when he's crying and asking where he is when he's sleeping. Luke can be hysterical when he wakes up from a far to short of a nap but if I bring Carly into his room when he wakes up he is instantly better. He's bored when she's sleeping and his blue eyes follow her all over the room!
I am struggling with...Although I say I don't care about Luke's sleep; it is a daily choice to not care. Truth be told I do not love that he's still up 3 times/night for food and can't figure out how to take a nap longer than one sleep cycle. I am very tired, although still function quite well whether at work or home. I desire more one-on-one time with Carly but because he doesn't sleep much we don't have the pleasure of being alone. I'm struggling with what do to...and the decision remains to just not worry about it & allow it to work itself out. I am also struggling with knowing how to have the same great relationship with Carly that I did pre-brother. She is frequently quite mean to me in the presence of her father and is beside herself when it is I who shows up in her room in the morning rather than her daddy. It's hard not to take it personally even though I know this is a very common stage for a 2-year-old, even though I know this is a commonality when a new babe is brought home and even though I love that she and her father have such a wonderful relationship.
The beloved postpartum body...Maybe a year ago...two years ago now...I remember my sister-in-law blogging about reaching a point that she was comfortable in her own skin. I read that I thought, "Wow, I didn't know that was possible!" I've never been comfortable in my skin (other than maybe when I was too skinny after struggling with a slight eating disorder my junior year of high school); so how could I possibly be comfortable with being 20 pounds heavier than I desire with this pooch right smack dab in the middle of my body?! But...at this moment...I can truthfully say I have reached the point that I. Am. Comfortable. In. My. Skin. Not because I feel skinny and sexy and beautiful; but because I have embraced the fact that my body has been so well used. It was not created to sit on the shelf & look pretty. It was created to work hard, to age; to produce life! If I can't be comfortable with that amazing fact than I don't know what I can be comfortable with. My desire going forward is not to diet and lose this baby weight, but to purposefully pursue being healthy and therefore being satisfied with that choice and the way I look.
My daughter...My favorite thing about being the mother of a bright-eyed little girl is watching her language develop. She is such a conversationalist and her and I make sure we get our however-many-words-they-say-a-woman-speaks-in-a-day in. My Mom said to me about a year ago that soon I would have to ask Carly if she would stop talking so I could talk to daddy now. That happened for the first time this week. She loves to tell us about her day and can shockingly recall most occurrences and put words to them. I had a short interview with her today and although her answers were wrong for the most part, they're also so cute:
What color are mommy's eyes? Brown (they're blue...)
What color is mommy's hair? Pink (really?)
Who does mommy love? Carly (yes...she got that one right)
What does mommy like to eat? Brush teeth (again...huh?)
What do I say to you at bedtime before kissing you goodnight? Animals. (Aaa-mals) (Yes, she does sleep with a bazillion animals at night and yes we do lay her in bed with all of them...but I'm pretty sure I don't ever utter the actual word, "animal.")
I appreciate her ability to follow directions and be independant when I need her to be. She behaves beautifully in public and is truly a help to me when she deems it important. ;-)
My son...I am head over heels for this boy...in a different way than I am for Carly. He brings me so so so much joy and fulfills all my needs for cuddling. He smiles for me probably more than anyone else and relaxes when placed in my arms from someone else's; including his daddy's. My favorite part of mothering this little boy right now is watching his personality come out. He has a natural soft-like sweetness to him that Carly has never had. I appreciate his ability to be flexible and go with the flow so much of the time!
An ode to the one i think of on mother's day...My mom is someone I've always admired & respected. Her every life decision has impacted me one way or another more so than anyone else. I married an even-tempered man to accompany my strong-will because she did. I want to pay my house off as fast as I can because she did. I want three kids because she had three kids (ok...I actually want four...but I'll probably have three). I work part time because she worked part time. I pray on my knees because she prayed on her knees. I could go on. We have had more conversations together about life lessons that I've had with anyone else on the face of the planet and bottom line she succeeded at teaching me to always keep my priorities in line. I hope Carly loves me, especially during those hard teenage years, as much as I loved (and do love) her.
This past week I was chatting with my boss' boss about life & kids & work and mentioned that I wish I could give more to work, go full-time, build my career, etc. His response was so genuine and approving. He said, "You know, Tricia, I don't think anyone gets to the end of their life and wishes they would have spent less time with their kids." He's right. And today, I am blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined at how wonderful it is to have the privilege of being chosen by a faithful God to be the mother to Carly & Luke.
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