"You Hold the Whole World in Your Hands"

Since adding Luke to our family, I experience three questions most regularly.

1. How is Carly adjusting to her new brother?
2. How are YOU adjusting to two kids?
3. Are you getting any sleep?

So, I thought I'd take the time to do a bit of reflecting on our adjustment period over the past two months.  First off, Carly really loves her baby brother.  She was very frustrated at ME when we came home from the hospital, but has not shown any sort of resentment toward him.  For a good two weeks, she wanted nothing to do with me.  No hugs, kisses or cuddles, no helping her with anything & certainly no parenting her.  She would yell sternly, "go sit mommy!" when she wanted me to get away from her.  It was challenging.  Here is this girl who I couldn't love more, completely rejecting me...and it was all my fault.  We had been BEST buddies and I ruined it by bringing another little one home who needed much of my attention and was always in my arms.  Each week since has gotten better, and around week 5 she was back to her sweet & loving self.  I do believe that she just forgot what life was like before him and accepted that him tagging along on our adventures & my arms being less free was just part of life.  She is so concerned when he cries & rushes to his aide!  She gets him his paci, plays with him when I ask her to & has even started asking to hold him. She loves to name her family (Mommy, Dida, Carly & Baby Ooke) & always includes him in her stories. I think it's been the transition most would expect.

I think I could write with tears of joy streaming down my face for hours about my transition to having two children.  I believe I'm a pretty emotionally-stable person but only by the grace of God who blessed me with parents who taught me that the way to control my emotions was constantly putting them in His hands.  In the 62 days I've been a mother of two, I would say 6 of those have been really trying & full of frustration, while the other 56 have been pretty great.  I think I've upped my percentage of good days from shooting 500 with Carly.  It has UNDENIABLY AND MOST CERTAINLY been an easier transition going from 1 to 2 than going from 0 to 1.  No question.  And this is why:

1. Our life changed drastically when we went from being newlyweds to parents.  All of it changed.  This time we were already in kiddo-mode, so adding another kiddo just meant having more strategy in meal-planning, errand-planning, outing-planning, outfit-planning, chore-doing, you get the picture.
2. There is SUCH a learning curve to parenting.  We did not prepare our hearts & minds well when we became parents & were basing our knowledge on opinions & advice.  This time we not only prayed fervently for God to prepare our hearts & minds, but also had gained confidence that we were great parents & knew to trust our instincts.
3. Luke is just an easier baby than Carly was.  That's certainly played a roll in a smooth adjustment period.
4. Being a parent matures you & stretches you in ways you've never been pushed.  I am bottom-line, a more mature person than I was two years ago...and quite frankly I've enjoyed "watching" myself grow over that past two years.  I'm more relaxed now even though my life is seemingly more chaotic...and my children can sense that and feed off it.
5. Part of that maturity is knowing how short this season of life is.  So what if Luke is 8 weeks old & I'm still getting up with him 4 times/night because he thinks he needs to eat every 2 hours.  This time is so precious & I am focusing on all the wonderful things that come along with having a baby rather than the difficult ones.

Despite my heart feeling so very full, I have certainly had my moments of sheer frustration & utter chaos both mentally & physically.  There have been a few days that I've had to turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse & lay on the couch nursing Luke so I could close my eyes for just 20 minutes...and I've felt trapped & isolated multiple times.  I can't tell you how much I would love to drive across town in the middle of a boring day to my mom's house or call up my mother-in-law and invite ourselves over for dinner on a Sunday afternoon.  Not having their help leaves me feeling rather isolated, but fortunately I only feel that way for a short time before being completely satisfied in my husband & my children.  I cried to a friend one evening as I was explaining to her that I felt I had ruined Carly's life.  Here was this girl who constantly got to do fun things with her naturally on-the-go mama and had my complete attention and I had wrecked all of that by bringing home this needy little man.  That day was my lowest day, for sure.  But, my friend lovingly smacked me across the face & reminded me that I have not ruined her life, but in fact enriched it.  Carly has a forever playmate & potential best friend...and soon enough she will be reaping the benefits of having a sibling.

So there you have it.  Our wonderfully blessed & slightly trying transition of bringing home little brother.  These children are miracles, I tell you, and EACH & EVERY DAY I praise God for choosing me as their mother, holding us so tightly in His hands & for His continued mercy on our safety and health.

Oh, and the answer to question number 3 is: "What is sleep?" ;).  BUT...I can honestly say I'm okay with not getting much shut-eye & am amazed to experience how little sleep one can truly function on.