"I'm Living Proof that Grace Wins Every Time"

This is my favorite yearly post.

It's rich with key learnings, teaching moments and those wonderful light bulbs that all of a sudden go off in our heads! I've been a mother 4 years and the emotional, mental, spiritual growth just doesn't slow down.  Every year I think I've nailed a topic or gained such wisdom in a category and then arrive at the next birthday only to find out I've learned it again in some new way.

I love seeing how my thought processes have changed during my motherhood journey.  In 2015, I was dealing with both mental & physical health issues and it was evident in that post. 2014 I was simply trying to figure out how to manage loving so many people, but I didn't face the trials I did in 2015 so the post wasn't nearly as rooted in chaos. 2013 was incredibly practical advice.  That first year of having a baby I was completely unaware of my own feelings/thoughts/emotions and was simply trying to figure out the array of tasks it takes to care for a newborn.

I wonder how I'll view this post next year?

You guys...I am so not worthy...but more than anything I've learned this year, through these topics--grace wins.

Love Better

I just finished the book, For the Love, by Jen Hatmaker.  Her and I share so many common belief structures.  Sometimes while reading I say aloud: thank you for articulating my thoughts so nicely! We need to love better.  I desperately need to love better.  Everyone.  As a body, the church is not functioning anywhere near it's ultimate potential even though some of it's individuals are doing such great work.  This starts with me.  It begins with loving people to the root of their core, because God loves them and created them in His image.  This year I've vented & complained about too many people.  I'm done with that.

I'm a Good Mama

Listen, dear one, if you're a mom--you're probably stellar at it.  This lesson was a big one this year. I've had some crap comments thrown my way over the years--a few by people close to me who were suppose to love me.  Words cut deep.  Real deep.  They en script themselves on my heart and challenge my motives.  Guess what...I love Carly & Luke more than anything and you can bet I'm doing everything I know how to love them, teach them, build them up, give them a sense of accomplishment, respect, and yes...practice intentional discipline. They are confident and well adjusted individuals who daily show joy.  And when what I know isn't enough (because it isn't), I choose to learn how to get better.  I'm doing my best and my best is really good.  So have confidence, mama, because yours is too.

Listen More, Talk Less

Dig deeper, gain insights, ask good questions and for the love stop jumping to conclusions. This applies to all relationships, but especially those sweet kiddos who have so much to say.  When I stop to really listen to my brood, my parenting is so much more effective.

Be Intentional

This is way easier said than done.  Take time to set expectations (Now we are going to leave.  My expectation of you both is that you behave with obedience, listening to instruction and responding kindly.  I know you can do this!).  Take time to explain circumstances (You need to eat your food.  Throwing it on the ground is disrespectful and creates a mess.  Not nourishing your body prevents you from getting bigger and stronger.  You have two choices.  Eat three bites of your chicken or two bites of your veggies).  It takes TIME. and ENERGY.  and the investment pays in dividends! Don't forget to follow-through with your statements! They better get a treat if you say they will (even if they forget) and they better end up choosing from the choices you give them and not what they decide on their own if you're serious about practicing intentional parenting.

Food allergies are real

I am so sorry for ever minimizing what you said...in any category.  But I'm so very sorry for believing that food allergies were a preference and not a real chemical reaction.  Serves me right.

Getting up in the morning before your children will change your life

I read this from another blog when I was pregnant with Luke.  I, of course, was instantly consumed with guilt and called up my Mom crying that I was a failure because I was too tired to get up before my 20-month old.  As per usual, she talked me down off the cliff by reminding me of the season I was in. But, now that I have two children who sleep predictable nights, am not currently pregnant or nursing and not working until 2am each week, I have entered a season that I can choose to get up before my kids.  Has it changed my life? Yes.  Is getting up before the kiddos to work out, drink coffee, be in the Word, take a shower (not all on the same day) incredibly fulfilling and meaningful time? Yes.  Does it fill me up and allow for more patience for the duration of the day? Yes.  Do I choose to do it everyday? No.  But is it really all it's cracked up to be? Indeed.

Discipline looks different for different kiddos

Luke has pushed every button Brian & I currently have.  And he's two.  God have mercy on us.  But really...we learned this year that disciplining our two-year-old Luke wasn't going to follow suit of how we disciplined our two-year-old Carly.  For a while, nothing seemed to work for him but corporal punishment.  I hate spanking my kids.  Really don't like it.  But for a short season that was the only thing that got Luke's attention.  There was one day I lost it and chose to spank Carly.  Seeing her crumble to the floor and sob her eyes out was a wake up call for me.  I instantly picked her up, loved her, settled her down and profusely apologized.  I kid you not she said, "God doesn't want you to spank me, mommy."  OH MY GOODNESS.  Can you even feel what my heart went through at that moment.  She was right.  Just because that's the method we use to help our son understand right & wrong, does in no way mean that's how we can help our daughter.  Lesson learned.

Be proactive, not reactive

I think this really falls under being intentional, but gaining some self-awareness of how you will react if AB & C happen will allow you to formulate a plan instead of react to something in a way you may regret later. Even thinking through, "ok...it's noon and I am out and about and I simply need to get one last errand in.  I'm out of snacks and I know my kids are getting hungry.  If a meltdown happens at the store...my reaction will be to..." fully knowing they probably wouldn't act that way if their bellies weren't grumbling.

Re-frame instead of solve

There are so so so many ways I could tell you about ways I've fought for joy this year. The past 5 years, I've been stuck in a job that forced me to work extremely late hours, long hours, weekends, and didn't allow me a full two-days off with my husband.  This year I worked a job that provided us to save money on childcare because we had the option to have non-traditional days off, allowed for me to work 30 hours a week crammed into 3 days gaining more full days at home and a job that lent itself to time with my children in the morning during their best hours.  Guess what.  Same job.  The "problem" isn't solved.  My work schedule still isn't "ideal" to any sort of social normalcy, but it's truly a blessing in this season of life...when our children are so small and need so much of us.

I mentioned depression earlier in this blog, and although I think this is a very important topic and will eventually tell about my experiences in this dark place, I haven't formulated enough thoughts or done enough research to feel I can speak on it.  But know this...if you are struggling with depression, you cannot always re-frame your scenario.  Please talk to someone outside of your family.  Please seek professional help.  You should never feel that your problems cannot be solved or re-framed and feelings of crawling in a hole and never coming out are not healthy thoughts.  Please don't try to conquer depression by simply "re-framing" and don't allow anyone else to guilt you into doing that, either.

Talk about your love for your husband to your kids          

My love and admiration for my husband grows deeper each passing year.  He serves us and leads us SO well.  His emotional, mental, spiritual & physical capacity AMAZE me.  Some days I honestly think he's perfect.  I want to shout my love for him from the roof tops.  And I will shout it from inside our home.  I've done a ton of studies this year (hooray for a greater capacity!) and I read over and over and over again that one of the best gifts we can give to our children is to show love to my husband and he show love to me. Show affection, yearning, passion, devotion, appreciation, tenderness, respect, fervor....SHOW IT. Say it.  And if you need more convincing, spend some time with Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo.

My goodness 2015 was so chaotic.  The first part of the year was one of the lowest places I've ever been...but the second part was rich in learning. Praise God for his mercy on my soul as I navigate life. I am so unworthy of His unconditional love but will praise His name for saving me.